I come from Denmark. In the beginning of 2019, I moved to Las Vegas to join and get married to Joe, who is an American man. Joe and I were lovers in the late 80’ies when I met him while he was stationed in Germany for the US Air Force. It was a wild time and we had 3 wonderful and crazy years together. But our paths parted, partially because I couldn’t work out how to allow him to get close to me and meet the love that he gave me. Joe reached out to me in 2016, 25 years after we had separated and we decided to go for this second chance. We made a decision that I should make the move to the US rather than Joe coming to Denmark and learn a new language from scratch. This is the biggest change and move I have done in my life, so far. I’m 55 years young and I’m proud that my bravery won over my fears and I chose fully according to what felt right for me. It wasn’t easy and I felt a lot of pain during the process.
Our initial goal was that my son would accompany me to the US which became decisive for the route of immigration process, we were advised by lawyers to go by. Unfortunately, there was a great delay in the processing of documents and the application procedure was extended to almost 12 months. The devastating result was that my son’s application was rejected at the very last step and I had to make an extremely tough and hurtful choice. Should I stay in Denmark and lose the right to enter the US and the possibility to do something that was entirely for ME and the deep love I felt for Joe? Not least accept that all the struggle, paperwork, preparation, longing and hoping would be lost? Or should I go on my own to the US, leave my son behind in Denmark and feel my heart being ripped out of pain for not having my child nearby me and live with the shame of believing I was an inconsiderate and selfish mom? Never ever have I had to make such a tough decision! Regardless of what I went by, I felt like something would die instantly inside of me.
Well, at this point in time, the rest is history! My son and I survived. He will be 24 this year (2021) and we are closer to one another than ever before. He is living an independent life in Denmark as a grown man and I am so incredibly proud to be his mother. Physical distance CAN bring more depth to a relationship, I’ve learned. Besides, to let go of the adolescent boy/man I left in January 2019 and embrace the man he is now has taught me that it is ok for me to live my own, independent life, being a more mature mother.
My life has been full of changes, big decisions, new directions and a constant search for something better. For love. For a place where I felt belonging. For connection, peace and freedom. I looked for years in my external world for clues, recognition and love. I just didn’t know how it was supposed to feel, nor what was the recipe and ingredients to get to love, belonging, connection, peace and freedom. I kept myself busy as in REALLY busy throughout my working life in Denmark. The wildest thing I ever did was to skip the standard employee/employer worklife and start my own business as a therapist 3 years before I left Denmark to move to the US. It was great and I learned that I am able to create my own business and that the only barrier that was preventing me to do it way before I did, was fear.
It wasn’t until I moved across the Atlantic and meet Joe anew that I slowly started to work out that love, belonging, connection, peace and freedom has been with me all the time. I just never knew that I had to look inside of myself to find it.
After I’ve come to Las Vegas, I realized that the blackboard must be wiped clean. I’m not going back to the same route and way of living that was a big part of me before.
I still want to create and do my own thing, though. So here I am, grateful for the aha-moments that made me realize that I possess all the ingredients and that the recipe is for me to write to create a new cook book with all the flavors that define – me. I still don’t know what to cook nor how to, but I know that I’m excited about the journey that lies ahead of me and I invite you to join me. Some of the ingredients I will be writing about are courage, change, choice and love. This is where my new path begins.
Do you want to come along?
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